6 months later...

I am 6 months pregnant! My life sort of stopped when I discovered our new addition. I haven't seen my friends in that long either. Guess that meant writing too, not that I was faithful to begin with. I'd like to start again--heck, it's why I started the blog in the first place. I did buy a house for our growing family, and I have spent a lot of time with family, as we went through the loss of my mother-in-law and then the wedding preparations (much happier!) of my step-sister, and the graduation of my little sister and her husband. Talk to you soon I hope!

Help my sister's friend, Kristin, receive proper burial

I am in truth-spewing mode.  It seems like I save them up as little gems, honing and polishing until they spontaneously? burst forth like confetti in a parade.  Line up and hear what I really think about you, Life, the Universe, EVERYTHING!  First off, I hate my job. I said it. I know, I am supposed to just be happy that I have one in this day and age, a dependable, steady, honest days work to support my family.  But it is drudgery, and frankly I am better than that! Until I stop living in fear of survival, I will be scrounging for scraps when there is mana in the desert!  I choose to live for Love right now.  What do I LOVE doing?  Helping people, and being an administrative assistant really isn't doing that, despite the title.  I can heal!  I can coach, give advice! I can even edit, which is helping others better communicate! But I have to lead by example, and that may mean taking the leap of faith.

Okay, do we really want to get started on faith? Some of my views may shock you! But it is my Truth and I don't expect you to take it as your own, or even understand it, though I hope you lend me understanding.  Maybe that is better saved for another post?  I'll get back to you.

Crawling along...

I've just realized I've had this blog for nearly two years now, and have only made 10 or so posts, with only half (or less) of them significant.  I am working on my self-esteem issues megatime now for two months, and I've realized I really love writing. Why do I stop myself from doing what I love? Punishment?  Silliness. 

I loved my last post, experimenting with a new style and sublty making fun of overserious writers.  I loved sharing that memory with you, even if it was just a fraction of a moment in my timeline.  I think I need to look back more often, instead of at Current Events, which is what Clinton (http://www.clintons42blog.blogspot.com/) is good at right now.  I need to explore what makes me me, and which of those experiences are a unique take on the average human experience.  I will probably get philosophical at times, bear with me.

Love you!  Becky

Summer

Humid heat and the eternity of days cover me like a heavy quilt. Paired up with gravity to keep my head on my brown-biscuit arm, my arm on the musty-dusty, freshly-vacuumed carpet; its roughness in contrast to my silky skin. The sticky somnolence of summer sounds its humble susurration. My cool-to-me breath skims in and out in time with the fan; its whirled and hummed secrets so repeated they've lost all sense. Its ceaseless cadence lingers only as a lullabye.

*sniff* ...Momsweat and hot dog.

My lackadaisical laze lies uninterrupted by their company--the dog sniffs me ice-cold and whines to me dreams of running and laughing. Surrendering in a satisfied flop at my back, his surplus heat fuels further slumbering passivity. Mama buzzes and flits about, opening windows, her straightening tracked by languid gaze, my fever dreams fulfilled in her sunshine and lemon-scented wake. Her hustle-bustle muffled, surceased in indolent effulgence.

I might wake up soon.

Lost and Found

Wow!  Thanks to Kelsey from http://ruralmamasandbox.blogspot.com/ for reminding me how much I love to write. Check out her blog to read more about being a great mom!  I still don't know why you should read my blog, but I'll try harder to come up with something.  I have a lot of new things in my life since I last tried this, and maybe I'll talk about them.  I am open to suggestions of course!

Fall is Here

Watching football always reminds me of high school. Not because I was a huge fan back then (I didn't find my love of the game for another few years) and not because I hung out in stands as many of my compatriots did. It's really what they call "football weather" that gets me to reminiscing. It was in those crisp, cool nights where I'd "kick the can" with my friends, so to speak. I'm not going to say "those were the best times of my life" --there have been and I know there will be many more-- but they were certainly the most carefree.

As an adult, you are lucky for a few carefree hours, at best a weekend, or vacation. You just can't seem to let go of your responsibility for too long. Past experiences, present events, or future concerns are never too far from the surface of our consciousness.

So many fall nights I spent hoping, dreaming, talking, wasting time like a sultan spends gold--experience not corrupted with guilt or burdens...maybe some longing, but of the innocent sort. It was a time of pure possibility. Now my heart aches for that blithe naiveté each time the chill falls on the summer, as the nights grow longer, and the Colts play football.